"Hey-oh, listen what I say-oh."

Apparently my body decided that it only needed around 3 and half hours of sleep last night, so I figured I'd get some blogging in.

I know everyone is DYING to know how I've been since the emo onslaught, so I'm happy to report that things are back to normal. Maybe even better than normal. In fact, I woke up the next morning like nothing had even happened. I'm pretty resilient like that.

Now, I know I said that I was back to normal, but I think I can safely say that I haven't been "normal" for a single day in my life. I was pretty much doomed from the start.

Don't tell my mom, but I'm kind of glad this happened.

I have no idea why, but for the past 24 hours or so, any time something remotely exciting happens I immediately say Hey-Oh! in my head. Thank goodness it's in my head. I don't get it, though. I've never said Hey-Oh! in my life and I sure as heck don't ever intend on it. 

Ooh, a new text message! (Hey-Oh!)

Ooh, a Twitter direct message! (Hey-Oh!)

Oh my gosh, I love this song! (Hey-Oh!)
Homemade mac and cheese for dinner! (Hey-Oh!)

Guys, I don't want to be that douchey guy who says Hey-Oh! after everything. I'm afraid that the more often I think it the more likely I am to end up actually saying it. I know, I know, just quit thinking it. It's super involuntary, though. Prayers would be much appreciated. I don't want something like this to end up happening today.

Those circles are supposed to be heads.

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate:

Our local Top 40 station is the only station that comes in on our work radio that everyone can agree on. Unfortunately, they have this knack for playing the same handful of songs over and over and over and over... I'm sure most Top 40 stations are like that, but it just seems like ours is especially bad. One can only take so much Rihanna or Ke$ha in one day. A lot of good songs have been ruined for me because of this.

I don't think that I ever particularly loved this song, but good lord do I despise it now.

"So cut my wrists and black my eyes, so I can fall asleep tonight, or die."

*Disclaimer: My thoughts are a mess, therefor this post is a mess. More of a mess than usual. I'm sorry.

Sometimes I just feel like being super emo.

I know I started out with an awful picture of myself, but man alive... This is just disgusting.

Tonight is one of those times, so much so that I didn't even want to write this post. I've been on this kick of forcing myself to do things I don't want to, though, so here you have it. Because I'm not really in the mood to be writing I don't have anything particularly of interest to mention. My mind is going in about 500 different directions, though, so I thought I'd just make a list of anything that comes to mind.

• I'm listening to The Postal Service and can't believe that they never made more than one CD. This is some of the greatest music known to man. 
• I was stupidly eating Ritz crackers in my bed and I dropped the wrapper, resulting in a bed full of cracker crumbs. I'm too lazy to properly clean them up, though, so I'll just end up sleeping in a bed full of crumbs tonight. (That was a blatant exaggeration. It was just a smile pile, and I pretty much cleaned them all up.)
• I'm currently quenching my thirst with a tall glass of Vernor's, and all of you non-Michigan peeps seriously don't know what you're missing.
• I just decided that I hate that saying. "You don't know what you're missing." DUH!
• I read a blog post earlier that got me feeling kind of sad/empathetic/I don't really know what. I was all gung-ho about figuring out why it made me feel that way, but then I (purposely?) started focusing on other things and lost my zeal. 
• I've been ultra sensitive lately. If I see something sad, I get all weepy and choked up. If I see something mushy, I do that "pop your bottom lip out because it's so cute" thing, and possibly even become weepy on top of it. If I see something happy/cute, I'll smile like I've just taken my first glimpse of my first-born child. I'd like to figure out what the deal is so I can quit being an emotional wreck. (No, it's not PMS.)
• If I had some sort of psychiatry degree, I'd diagnose myself with having Avoidant Personality Disorder and Dependent Personality Disorder. 
• Any time I get feeling semi-depressed I always think about this. The momentary depression feeds into it, when it's probably not really the case. I do have social anxieties, but not necessarily to the point of AvPD. DPD is another story. I've mentioned something about it to my mom before, and she said something along the lines of "Uh, you think?!"Gee, thanks ma.
• My aunt is a mess of neuroses and I see some of myself in her. I'm scared to become her. 
• I need to take more responsibility for my actions, and lack thereof, for that matter.
• Do you like how I coyly started out by talking about meaningless things, like this was going to be some stupid post, all the while knowing exactly where I was going to end up with it?
• In reference to the title of this post, I've never self-harmed. I don't plan on it. I'm not suicidal in the least bit. It was just the most emo song I could think of.
• It terrifies me that people are going to read this, but that's probably a good thing. I'm sick of lying to myself, and having something staring you right in the face is probably a pretty good way to quit avoiding it. 
• I'm kind of emotionally exhausted, so I'm going to stop now. Sorry for being such a downer. (I almost said I was sorry for being such a heavy. Apparently I'm a hippie now.)

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 15 - A song that describes you:

I almost skipped today's challenge in lieu of doing whatever I wanted. I was listening to this super amazing song by Passion Pit that all to perfectly expresses how I'm feeling right now. Actually, I lied. This is how I feel about myself on a pretty regular basis. Tonight it just seems to be to the extreme. Anyway. The song. I saw the challenge for today and realized it ended up fitting perfectly with the song. I love when little things like that work out in my favor. ☺






*EDIT*
I was all set to be done with this post, and then some. I went on YouTube and typed in "good music" because I wasn't really sure what I was in the mood for. Then this song came up. I adore this song and it seriously makes me cry every time I listen to it. When he sings "I tried so hard!" with such passion and brokenness... Ugh, it absolutely kills me. I'm thinking this was some sort of "break Stacey down (in a good way)" divine intervention, so I had so share it on here. It really is a beautiful song that deserves a listen or two.

"They could never find our secret hiding spot where we play all day."

I was all set to write this big complaint post about a coworker who always whines about having no money, yet she smokes pot 24/7, uses her EBT card to buy energy drinks, and has about 87 pets. I ended up finding a much better topic, but I thought I'd still make you this awesome collage to further paint the picture of what a piece of crap this girl really is.

This is obviously not the coworker, just in case anyone thinks that I work with Paris Hilton.

Moving on. The sister and I were watching some TV show a little while ago that featured a house with a secret passageway.

Jessie: I always wanted a house with a secret passageway.
Me: Who didn't?
Jessie: Uh... I still want a house with a secret passageway.
Me: Who doesn't?

And honestly, who doesn't? I posed the question on Tumblr and received a link to the coolest website in the history of websites.  My gosh, if I had the money I would equip my hypothetical house with so many of those bad boys. I think part of the appeal of secret passageways is that they make us feel like a kid again. (That, and if anyone ever broke into our home, we'd have the ultimate hiding/not dying spot.) Just thinking about it makes me all giddy. Imagine all of the fun you could have and the massive pranks you could play! I would make it my mission to scare the crap out of someone at least once daily.

So what are some other things that get you feeling nostalgic? Forts, wanting to spend an unsupervised night in a department store, enduring the fierce burn of a Big Red wrapper stuck to your forehead...


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love:

I asked my mom about this one because I honestly don't think anyone would not expect me to like a certain band or genre of music. I swear, even if it's something I'd normally hate, there's more than likely at least one song I can find that I like. She, for some reason, can not believe that I like Disturbed. I like rock, there's no excessive growling or screaming (which I generally detest (unless it's used tastefully, aka sparingly)), the lead singer doesn't suck... I don't know. Anyway, I've loved Disturbed since high school and will most likely continue to love Disturbed as long as they keep coming out with awesome music. Here is the song that jump-started my adoration:

"You don't really know why, but you want to justify ripping someone's head off."

The little sister has been giving me crap for the way I scowl while I'm on the computer (I need to turn the screen brightness down), so picture me looking like this while I wrote this post...

I showed her this picture and she said that I pretty much look exactly like this. Awesome.

A lot of things have gotten under my skin today, for no apparent reason, so I thought I'd write them all down and possibly find some common denominator.

I awoke to a text from a friend/coworker asking if I would work her shift today and she would work mine on Sunday. I abhor working Sundays so I was seriously considering it. Then I realized that I only had 30 minutes to get ready, and I would be stuck there until 10 tonight. The latest I ever work is 8, so the more I thought about it, the less appealing it sounded. I neglected to text her back and went about my day. About 45 minutes later, she texted me again asking if I would please work for her because she had been puking all day. (We're a very small business, so if one person is sick they have to find a replacement to work for them. If it's a dire situation, though, the boss will take over the shift.) By this time I had gotten a text from another friend asking if I wanted to do something tonight. The perfect excuse. Maybe I was being a jerk, but this friend/coworker is pretty good at wanting you to help her out with her shifts, but not being there when you need something. Actually, she's pretty much like that in general, and I have not been in the mood to put up with any BS lately. I know that come Sunday I'll be kicking myself for not working tonight, but I'm just so sick of being taken advantage of. The real kicker is that she's been talking on Facebook all night about the ski trip that she's attending tomorrow. Is it horrible of me to hope that she spends the entire weekend on the toilet instead of on the slopes?? (That is, if she is indeed sick. I get the feeling she just wanted the night off so she could prepare for the weekend.)

The next few hours were spent interneting and watching TV with the sisters. It became a bit monotonous over time (One can only watch so much Miami Animal Police in such a small period of time), but nothing real awful. Overall, it was bearable.

A little while later I received a text from my mom's best friend. She proceeded to text me for 10 minutes asking where my mom was, and if we minded if she came over. Not a big deal. She brought her son along, which also wasn't a big deal. UNTIL... I got up to go to the bathroom and he told me that he was stealing my seat until I came back. When I returned he not only made no effort to get up, but was also using my laptop. I had tabs with my Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr open, all things that I consider pretty private when it comes to people I actually know. (Well, obviously not Facebook, but I hate the prospect of someone posting something random on my wall. I'm kind of particular about the things I share online. I make an attempt to be fairly inoffensive, so I don't want anything put on blast without my approval. It's happened before, and I felt strangely violated.) (Man, that was a long parenthetical aside.) I noticed that he and the little sister were just sharing YouTube videos so I figured all was ok. Then I saw this...

This is clearly not offensive, but it meant that he was looking at the pages I had pulled up. I feel like someone read my nonexistent diary or something. 

Random interjection: This happened in the midst of all this crap...

The actor was pretending her food stamp card wasn't working and people were stepping in and paying for her groceries. So awesome, and so tear-inducing.

Around this time, the aforementioned friend I had made plans with came over to chill and watch a movie. This friend tends to be a bit insanely clingy, so I'm generally on edge around her. She does this thing when we watch movies that irritates me beyond words. Every time something funny happens, she insists on looking right at me and laughing. Ok, we're watching the same movie. I saw it. I'd say it's as bad as when people say "DID YOU SEE THAT?!" but it's actually worse because I have this weird phobia of people staring at me. Well, maybe not a phobia, but it makes me ultra uncomfortable. We were sitting directly beside each other tonight, though, so I was super stoked about not having to pretend I couldn't see her every time she looked at me. (That's what I do. Ignore it and it will go away, right?) What ended up unfolding, though, was entirely too horrific. Instead of enduring awkward gazes every time something funny happened, she did that weird "lightly smack you with the back of my hand" thing. The movie we were watching was hilarious, so I ended up just getting smacked repeatedly for an hour and a half.

I let my dad use my laptop while we watched the movie, and assumed he'd give it back once it was over. (There I go, assuming again. Maybe that's the common denominator in this all!) Instead, he stayed on for 2 more hours while I sat on the couch and silently stewed. At one point I tried asking for it back and he shot out some whiny excuse about how he was almost done, and he just NEEDED to look at a few more things... Whatever. I don't care. I sat on my butt for 7 hours waiting for the stupid thing, and I think I should be able to use it whenever I darn well please.

In the mean time, I did some Twittering and received some of the sweetest tweets ever. After a moment of heart melting and cheesy grins, I got kind of depressed. People online, people I barely know, treat me better than the majority of people that are actually in my life. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and wouldn't trade them for anything, but living at home means I'm subjected to many more annoying family moments than the average twenty-something. I'd rely on my friends to save my sanity, but I've eliminated most of them from my life since they royally sucked. The few true friends I do have I rarely see. Moments like these make me realize how much I truly need to save up my cash and get the eff out of this town. Sorry, this just took a major turn toward depression city. I'll stop babbling now.

So what do you think? Am I being ultra sensitive to everything, or do people just generally suck?

Also, if you stuck it out all the way through this, you deserve a cookie and a massive bear hug.

"Look at me kids, I'm winning! Stop the music, where's my ribbon?"

They love me! They really love me! Well, at least Kaylee does. She gave me a blogger award! ☺

I'm super stoked because Kaylee is way awesome, and the more I talk to her the more I love her. I'm thinking that a road trip/meet up is a definite must in the future. Anywho, I guess I have to share some pictures/stories about my life, so without further ado...

This is one of my favorite pictures of me. My Aunt Bonnie, the family comedian, had this wig and decided that I needed to wear it. And check out how stinking cute my mom was looking!

Here I am looking super cute and super 80s in this ginormous wicker chair. We have a nice collection of pictures just like this because my parents were too poor to pay for professional pictures. Why they thought a wicker chair would be an optimal backdrop, though, is beyond me. (I wish my hair was still this blonde.)

Please excuse the awful quality, but I'm pretty sure that this is the only picture known to man of me and the little sister being lovey with each other. Also, please excuse the massive buck teeth. This was taken pre-braces. 

I don't really have anything to say about this. Just bask in it's awesomeness. (That's me on the bottom left. People were constantly mistaking me for a boy. I don't blame them.)

This picture was taken for our church directory. Once again, bask in the awesomeness. I can't get over how 90s this is. Ugh, that vest...

This is me and the sister at the Frankenmuth River Place. The store we were at had the best collection of unique glasses, and we couldn't pass up the photo op.  Also, check out how freaking pale I am. I blend right in with my white coat. 

Our family is really into Halloween, so I couldn't resist putting this one up. I am crazy in love with that old lady mask of mine. I wear it almost ever year. The little sister was clearly less than thrilled to be a part of the family bonding time, but the fact that they even got her in the photo is a miracle in and of itself. 

So maybe I'm on the fast track to becoming a crazy cat lady... 

Well, that was a little piece of my life. Hope you enjoyed. Now is the part where I nominate two other bloggers who I find crazysexycool. First is Lorraine from Late to the Party. She's my brown twin, so I have to share the love. Prepare to be blown away by her comic genius. Second is Alison from Literary Crap. I used to read my heart out as a youngin', but as I got older my (self-diagnosed) ADD grew worse and worse, and my ability to sit through a book became less and less. Alison's book reviews make me want to become a reader again.


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure:

At first I wasn't sure where to go with this. Do I add a song that's cheesy, but that I still love? Do I add a song that goes against what I believe, but that I still love? Then it hit me. Brown Skin by India.Arie. "I can't tell where yours begins, I can't tell where mine ends." Not only am I not black, but I'm so far on the lower end of the white spectrum that it's not even funny. I always feel slightly embarrassed when I sing along (and sing along do I ever), but it's just so dang good.

"You make me sick, I want you and I'm hatin' it."

I don't get to see my mom very often (she works 3rd shift and sleeps all day) so I like to go grocery shopping with her every week, partaking in a little mother/daughter bonding time. I was especially excited to go today because, instead of going to Walmart like she usually does, she went to our local grocery store. Our local grocery store has the BEST fresh doughnuts.

When we got back from shopping, I found the doughnut, poured myself a short glass (I'm lactose intolerant) of milk, and got down to business. I know what you're thinking... "Why are you drinking milk if you're lactose intolerant??" I absolutely can not eat something sweet without having milk to wash it down, even if it's just something like a candy bar. It's a trait I've inherited from my dad. Plus, I'm just fond of dairy products, in general. As long as I consume it in moderation, I'm usually ok. Maybe a small amount of discomfort, but usually ok. Today, on the other hand, made me want to die.

As a result, my entire day was ruined. Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, but I've certainly had better days. I finished my glass of death and decided to go back to bed until it was time to get up for work. I assumed that I would have gotten plenty of sleep and would wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. Again. Instead, I slept miserably and woke up feeling even more exhausted than I did in the first place. Exhaustion = Grumpy McAngry Pants = bad night at work. Everyone and everything got on my nerves, leaving me in a state similar to this...

I'm pulling my hair out, just in case you thought that might be a set of mini pigtails.  I also tried to be a little more true to my (lack of) skin pigment with this picture. It's still a bit too dark.

Luckily, I came home to my sister inviting me to accompany her tomorrow while she gets her second tattoo. I'm pretty stoked about it. If I can't afford another of my own, I might as well live vicariously though her. And we always have an awesome time on our outings, you know, since we're twinners separated at birth and everything.

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate:

This is pretty hard for me since there isn't much that I hate when it comes to music. There are some bands that I don't love, but I can tolerate most.  There is one band, though, that makes me want to vomit every time I hear them. Steely Dan. I EFFING HATE STEELY DAN. My dad adores Steely Dan and constantly listens to them, as my disgust grows with each passing second. As hard as this is for me to admit, they do have one song that I don't mind, but it's slightly easier to come to terms with because for years I thought it was Santana. So here it is. Enjoy. Or don't. Trust me, I won't be heartbroken.

"Love is here, and oh my darling, now you're gone."

What my week has consisted of...

            

  

  

 

 

...and throw a day or two of work in the mix. I'm not sure why, but I haven't felt like blogging much lately. Maybe it's the fact that I'm so consumed with other social media outlets that I'm bled dry by the time I make my way over here. I don't know. Whatever it is, I don't like it. I'll tell you what I do like, though, and that is blogs with cartoons/doodles/comics/drawings, etc. I was talking to Kaylee earlier this week about my (lack of) drawing skills and she ensured me that with time and practice I will indeed  become the best artist in America  go from a 3rd grade drawing level to a 4th (MAYBE EVEN 5TH!) grade level. I think she's a liar (not a mean liar, but one who lies to make others feel better about themselves), but expect to see more doodles around these parts in the future. I suck and I know it, but I have fun doing it, and hopefully you'll have fun making fun of my "work".


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 11 - A song from your favorite band:

I fell in love with Florence + the Machine a little over a year ago and she very quickly became my new favorite, a title long held by Fiona Apple. It makes me sad to bump Fiona to second place, but it's a close second so she shouldn't be so offended. Anyway, it's WAY too hard for me to pick a favorite Flo song so I'll leave you with my top three and let you decide. If I could only ever listen to three songs again for the rest of my life, it'd most likely be these three. You can't just listen, you have to feel/experience them. So, so, so, so good. 

"Now I'm falling on my knees, and tumblin' down."

I've recently found a few Tumblr pages that I wanted to follow but, being the elitists that they are, Tumblr only lets you follow/like/comment on pages if you yourself are a member. I was pretty irritated, but then I decided if I can't beat 'em I might as well join 'em! And you know what? I'm kind of digging their set up. This will always be my main blog, the one with substance (I hope), but Tumblr is more constructed for quick, easy sharing. They're like the love child of Blogger and Twitter. I know that I spam everyone's Twitter feed like crazy get slightly out of control with the frequency that I tweet. I figure Tumblr can be an outlet for some of my thoughts and I can chill out substantially on the Twitter front. It's pretty win/win. If you'd like, you can check it out here.

In other news, winter sometimes brings up thoughts/regrets of the year of college that I attended. (Yeah, yeah... I'm a college dropout. *hangs head in shame*) I attended NMU, and although I'm pretty used to crappy Michigan winters by now, nothing could have prepared me for a Marquette winter. Feet of snow, blistering winds, a skin freezing advisory... (It's a real thing, I swear.) One huge non-regret, though, that I could have NEVER prepared for was when I participated in the annual Arctic Plunge. Freezing does not even begin to describe what I felt that day. Actually, I didn't really feel much. Thirty seconds, tops, in the water and I was numb, numb, numb. When I exited the lake it felt like my shorts had ridden up to underwear territory, but as I tried to yank them down my hand just kept sliding down my thigh. Even though it was beyond cold, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Well, except for the whole falling down and gouging a chunk of my ankle out part. I still have the scar. Stupid frozen sand.

A few years ago I was searching YouTube to try and give my friend a better idea of my experience, and wouldn't you know, I found a video of the exact time that I participated. Keep an eye out for me on the right side of the screen when we all take off. I'm in the red shorts and grey t-shirt. Also, keep an eye out for how I ever so nicely drug my roommate down with me during my "incident". Enjoy!





30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep:

From experience, I know that any song from The Knack (with the exception of My Sharona) makes me fall asleep. We used to get a lot of free vouchers for lawn seats at DTE Energy Music Theater, and The Knack featuring some other horrendous bands, was one that I wish we never would have wasted our time on. I've attended quite a few concerts in my 25 years on this Earth, but I've NEVER been to such a snooze fest! Awful. Just awful. I could leave you with some crap, but I'll be nice and share the only song of theirs that I can tolerate.

"So everybody put your best suit or dress on. Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once."

Well, 2011 has ruled so far. Maybe that's a bit of a premature assessment, but I can only imagine if God has done so much in one day, that the entire year will be packed with greatness. Bad too, of course, but lots of great.

I thought I'd share with you some resolutions I've made for this year. (Stereotypical, I know, but maybe I'll follow them a bit more closely if I actually write them out. I'll feel more compelled to stick to them, also, if I feel that there are other people potentially holding me accountable.)

Superficial Resolutions:

Drink more water.

Eat healthier.

Exercise.

Move out of my parents' house.

Meaningful Resolutions:

Overall, to grow closer to God. To build a better, less fleeting relationship.

Read the Bible in a year.

Overcome some of my everyday, unfounded fears.

Be more willing to share my faith.

So there they are. Nothing exceptionally profound, but they are all things that I need to work on, and then some. Hope everyone had a great New Year's and continues to have a beautiful, blessed year. ♥


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 9 - A song that you can fall asleep to:

I'd have to say M83's entire CD, Before The Dawn Heals Us, but in particular the songs Moonchild and Lower Your Eyelids To Die With The Sun. It's hard for me to explain the feeling they give, almost ethereal. Listen for yourself. I dare you to not fall in love.