"They could never find our secret hiding spot where we play all day."

I was all set to write this big complaint post about a coworker who always whines about having no money, yet she smokes pot 24/7, uses her EBT card to buy energy drinks, and has about 87 pets. I ended up finding a much better topic, but I thought I'd still make you this awesome collage to further paint the picture of what a piece of crap this girl really is.

This is obviously not the coworker, just in case anyone thinks that I work with Paris Hilton.

Moving on. The sister and I were watching some TV show a little while ago that featured a house with a secret passageway.

Jessie: I always wanted a house with a secret passageway.
Me: Who didn't?
Jessie: Uh... I still want a house with a secret passageway.
Me: Who doesn't?

And honestly, who doesn't? I posed the question on Tumblr and received a link to the coolest website in the history of websites.  My gosh, if I had the money I would equip my hypothetical house with so many of those bad boys. I think part of the appeal of secret passageways is that they make us feel like a kid again. (That, and if anyone ever broke into our home, we'd have the ultimate hiding/not dying spot.) Just thinking about it makes me all giddy. Imagine all of the fun you could have and the massive pranks you could play! I would make it my mission to scare the crap out of someone at least once daily.

So what are some other things that get you feeling nostalgic? Forts, wanting to spend an unsupervised night in a department store, enduring the fierce burn of a Big Red wrapper stuck to your forehead...


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love:

I asked my mom about this one because I honestly don't think anyone would not expect me to like a certain band or genre of music. I swear, even if it's something I'd normally hate, there's more than likely at least one song I can find that I like. She, for some reason, can not believe that I like Disturbed. I like rock, there's no excessive growling or screaming (which I generally detest (unless it's used tastefully, aka sparingly)), the lead singer doesn't suck... I don't know. Anyway, I've loved Disturbed since high school and will most likely continue to love Disturbed as long as they keep coming out with awesome music. Here is the song that jump-started my adoration:

"You don't really know why, but you want to justify ripping someone's head off."

The little sister has been giving me crap for the way I scowl while I'm on the computer (I need to turn the screen brightness down), so picture me looking like this while I wrote this post...

I showed her this picture and she said that I pretty much look exactly like this. Awesome.

A lot of things have gotten under my skin today, for no apparent reason, so I thought I'd write them all down and possibly find some common denominator.

I awoke to a text from a friend/coworker asking if I would work her shift today and she would work mine on Sunday. I abhor working Sundays so I was seriously considering it. Then I realized that I only had 30 minutes to get ready, and I would be stuck there until 10 tonight. The latest I ever work is 8, so the more I thought about it, the less appealing it sounded. I neglected to text her back and went about my day. About 45 minutes later, she texted me again asking if I would please work for her because she had been puking all day. (We're a very small business, so if one person is sick they have to find a replacement to work for them. If it's a dire situation, though, the boss will take over the shift.) By this time I had gotten a text from another friend asking if I wanted to do something tonight. The perfect excuse. Maybe I was being a jerk, but this friend/coworker is pretty good at wanting you to help her out with her shifts, but not being there when you need something. Actually, she's pretty much like that in general, and I have not been in the mood to put up with any BS lately. I know that come Sunday I'll be kicking myself for not working tonight, but I'm just so sick of being taken advantage of. The real kicker is that she's been talking on Facebook all night about the ski trip that she's attending tomorrow. Is it horrible of me to hope that she spends the entire weekend on the toilet instead of on the slopes?? (That is, if she is indeed sick. I get the feeling she just wanted the night off so she could prepare for the weekend.)

The next few hours were spent interneting and watching TV with the sisters. It became a bit monotonous over time (One can only watch so much Miami Animal Police in such a small period of time), but nothing real awful. Overall, it was bearable.

A little while later I received a text from my mom's best friend. She proceeded to text me for 10 minutes asking where my mom was, and if we minded if she came over. Not a big deal. She brought her son along, which also wasn't a big deal. UNTIL... I got up to go to the bathroom and he told me that he was stealing my seat until I came back. When I returned he not only made no effort to get up, but was also using my laptop. I had tabs with my Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr open, all things that I consider pretty private when it comes to people I actually know. (Well, obviously not Facebook, but I hate the prospect of someone posting something random on my wall. I'm kind of particular about the things I share online. I make an attempt to be fairly inoffensive, so I don't want anything put on blast without my approval. It's happened before, and I felt strangely violated.) (Man, that was a long parenthetical aside.) I noticed that he and the little sister were just sharing YouTube videos so I figured all was ok. Then I saw this...

This is clearly not offensive, but it meant that he was looking at the pages I had pulled up. I feel like someone read my nonexistent diary or something. 

Random interjection: This happened in the midst of all this crap...

The actor was pretending her food stamp card wasn't working and people were stepping in and paying for her groceries. So awesome, and so tear-inducing.

Around this time, the aforementioned friend I had made plans with came over to chill and watch a movie. This friend tends to be a bit insanely clingy, so I'm generally on edge around her. She does this thing when we watch movies that irritates me beyond words. Every time something funny happens, she insists on looking right at me and laughing. Ok, we're watching the same movie. I saw it. I'd say it's as bad as when people say "DID YOU SEE THAT?!" but it's actually worse because I have this weird phobia of people staring at me. Well, maybe not a phobia, but it makes me ultra uncomfortable. We were sitting directly beside each other tonight, though, so I was super stoked about not having to pretend I couldn't see her every time she looked at me. (That's what I do. Ignore it and it will go away, right?) What ended up unfolding, though, was entirely too horrific. Instead of enduring awkward gazes every time something funny happened, she did that weird "lightly smack you with the back of my hand" thing. The movie we were watching was hilarious, so I ended up just getting smacked repeatedly for an hour and a half.

I let my dad use my laptop while we watched the movie, and assumed he'd give it back once it was over. (There I go, assuming again. Maybe that's the common denominator in this all!) Instead, he stayed on for 2 more hours while I sat on the couch and silently stewed. At one point I tried asking for it back and he shot out some whiny excuse about how he was almost done, and he just NEEDED to look at a few more things... Whatever. I don't care. I sat on my butt for 7 hours waiting for the stupid thing, and I think I should be able to use it whenever I darn well please.

In the mean time, I did some Twittering and received some of the sweetest tweets ever. After a moment of heart melting and cheesy grins, I got kind of depressed. People online, people I barely know, treat me better than the majority of people that are actually in my life. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and wouldn't trade them for anything, but living at home means I'm subjected to many more annoying family moments than the average twenty-something. I'd rely on my friends to save my sanity, but I've eliminated most of them from my life since they royally sucked. The few true friends I do have I rarely see. Moments like these make me realize how much I truly need to save up my cash and get the eff out of this town. Sorry, this just took a major turn toward depression city. I'll stop babbling now.

So what do you think? Am I being ultra sensitive to everything, or do people just generally suck?

Also, if you stuck it out all the way through this, you deserve a cookie and a massive bear hug.

"Look at me kids, I'm winning! Stop the music, where's my ribbon?"

They love me! They really love me! Well, at least Kaylee does. She gave me a blogger award! ☺

I'm super stoked because Kaylee is way awesome, and the more I talk to her the more I love her. I'm thinking that a road trip/meet up is a definite must in the future. Anywho, I guess I have to share some pictures/stories about my life, so without further ado...

This is one of my favorite pictures of me. My Aunt Bonnie, the family comedian, had this wig and decided that I needed to wear it. And check out how stinking cute my mom was looking!

Here I am looking super cute and super 80s in this ginormous wicker chair. We have a nice collection of pictures just like this because my parents were too poor to pay for professional pictures. Why they thought a wicker chair would be an optimal backdrop, though, is beyond me. (I wish my hair was still this blonde.)

Please excuse the awful quality, but I'm pretty sure that this is the only picture known to man of me and the little sister being lovey with each other. Also, please excuse the massive buck teeth. This was taken pre-braces. 

I don't really have anything to say about this. Just bask in it's awesomeness. (That's me on the bottom left. People were constantly mistaking me for a boy. I don't blame them.)

This picture was taken for our church directory. Once again, bask in the awesomeness. I can't get over how 90s this is. Ugh, that vest...

This is me and the sister at the Frankenmuth River Place. The store we were at had the best collection of unique glasses, and we couldn't pass up the photo op.  Also, check out how freaking pale I am. I blend right in with my white coat. 

Our family is really into Halloween, so I couldn't resist putting this one up. I am crazy in love with that old lady mask of mine. I wear it almost ever year. The little sister was clearly less than thrilled to be a part of the family bonding time, but the fact that they even got her in the photo is a miracle in and of itself. 

So maybe I'm on the fast track to becoming a crazy cat lady... 

Well, that was a little piece of my life. Hope you enjoyed. Now is the part where I nominate two other bloggers who I find crazysexycool. First is Lorraine from Late to the Party. She's my brown twin, so I have to share the love. Prepare to be blown away by her comic genius. Second is Alison from Literary Crap. I used to read my heart out as a youngin', but as I got older my (self-diagnosed) ADD grew worse and worse, and my ability to sit through a book became less and less. Alison's book reviews make me want to become a reader again.


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure:

At first I wasn't sure where to go with this. Do I add a song that's cheesy, but that I still love? Do I add a song that goes against what I believe, but that I still love? Then it hit me. Brown Skin by India.Arie. "I can't tell where yours begins, I can't tell where mine ends." Not only am I not black, but I'm so far on the lower end of the white spectrum that it's not even funny. I always feel slightly embarrassed when I sing along (and sing along do I ever), but it's just so dang good.

"You make me sick, I want you and I'm hatin' it."

I don't get to see my mom very often (she works 3rd shift and sleeps all day) so I like to go grocery shopping with her every week, partaking in a little mother/daughter bonding time. I was especially excited to go today because, instead of going to Walmart like she usually does, she went to our local grocery store. Our local grocery store has the BEST fresh doughnuts.

When we got back from shopping, I found the doughnut, poured myself a short glass (I'm lactose intolerant) of milk, and got down to business. I know what you're thinking... "Why are you drinking milk if you're lactose intolerant??" I absolutely can not eat something sweet without having milk to wash it down, even if it's just something like a candy bar. It's a trait I've inherited from my dad. Plus, I'm just fond of dairy products, in general. As long as I consume it in moderation, I'm usually ok. Maybe a small amount of discomfort, but usually ok. Today, on the other hand, made me want to die.

As a result, my entire day was ruined. Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, but I've certainly had better days. I finished my glass of death and decided to go back to bed until it was time to get up for work. I assumed that I would have gotten plenty of sleep and would wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day. Again. Instead, I slept miserably and woke up feeling even more exhausted than I did in the first place. Exhaustion = Grumpy McAngry Pants = bad night at work. Everyone and everything got on my nerves, leaving me in a state similar to this...

I'm pulling my hair out, just in case you thought that might be a set of mini pigtails.  I also tried to be a little more true to my (lack of) skin pigment with this picture. It's still a bit too dark.

Luckily, I came home to my sister inviting me to accompany her tomorrow while she gets her second tattoo. I'm pretty stoked about it. If I can't afford another of my own, I might as well live vicariously though her. And we always have an awesome time on our outings, you know, since we're twinners separated at birth and everything.

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate:

This is pretty hard for me since there isn't much that I hate when it comes to music. There are some bands that I don't love, but I can tolerate most.  There is one band, though, that makes me want to vomit every time I hear them. Steely Dan. I EFFING HATE STEELY DAN. My dad adores Steely Dan and constantly listens to them, as my disgust grows with each passing second. As hard as this is for me to admit, they do have one song that I don't mind, but it's slightly easier to come to terms with because for years I thought it was Santana. So here it is. Enjoy. Or don't. Trust me, I won't be heartbroken.

"We are family. I got all my sisters with me."

"Sometimes I think we were supposed to be twins."

This is a quote from my sister Jessie, who happens to be 4.5 years younger than me. She's on crack, but that's why I love her. I know what she meant, though. We're so similar with regards to our little quirks and sense of humor. It's still hard to believe sometimes, because the two of us were mortal enemies when we were younger. If we got into a fight my mom would make us sit by each other on the couch, bodies touching, for extended periods of time. And if we were in big trouble we had to hug! Haha! Now we're super close. Well, not that "I tell you ever aspect of my personal life" close, but more like "We're sitting in complete silence and randomly burst out into song at the exact same moment, the same part of the song, and both take it up an octave" kind of close. Because we do that. A lot. I like to quote her frequently on my Twitter. She cracks me up so often, I just couldn't deprive the world my 70+ followers of her fabulous humor.

Jessie and I may have very similar personalities, but when it comes to looks we couldn't be more polar opposite. Jessie is a tall, skinny, cute brunette, and I am a short, fat, blonde who has the potential to be cute if I shrunk to half my size. I have tiny ankles, though, and Jessie has cankles, so I've got that going for me.

I'm not really that fat, nor do I look like a penguin, in real life.

My littlest sister, Melissa, and I have only started to get close again recently. From the time she was born, up until about the age of 4, we were attached at the hip. We used to watch marathons of Friday the 13th together when I would babysit. (And the award for Best Babysitter goes to...) She grew up and became that textbook bratty little sister, among other things that I won't get into, and it really wrecked our relationship.

Unlike Jessie and I, she and I are more similar in looks than personality. She doesn't have cankles either, so hooray for us. We've got a lot of patching up to do, but we've made a start and that's what really matters. My favorite thing to do with Melissa is make her laugh. She doesn't do it often, so it's a real accomplishment when you can break through that plaster mold she refers to as her face. Jessie and I together can really get her going. Good times are had by all.

A rare picture of the three of us getting along.

The three of us may not have always been best friends, and we may never be, but we have built substantially on our relationships this past year, and everyone's lives much greater because of it.

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE

Click here to see the entire list.

Day 8 - A song that you know all the words to:

During 8th/9th grade, I was more than obsessed with The Miseduaction of Lauryn Hill, specifically the song Everything is Everything. I would lock myself in my bedroom and practice the song's rap over and over and over. I would even try to remember where to take big breaths so I didn't mess up anything. To this day I remember ever single word of the song, and I even still try sometimes to rap it as perfectly as possible. (And actually, I'm not too shabby, if I say so myself. You know, for a white girl.) I still remember when the video premiered on TRL,

and Carson stating that it was some sort of amazing, ground-breaking piece of work. Not so ground-breaking anymore, but great nonetheless.

"What's in your head, in your head? Zombie, zombie, zombie."

My entire family and I are obsessed with The Walking Dead. We make absolute sure that we watch it every Sunday night. I'm actually quite surprised because my dad and one of my sisters, J, are giant scaredy cats.



J usually watches the Disney Channel until she falls asleep after watching something scary, but tonight she felt the need to sleep on the couch. I, being the serial pranker that I am, could not pass up this golden opportunity.

My family is also obsessed with Halloween, so we have countless masks stored in totes in our basement. I decided to grab the best zombie-like mask that we had to scare the crap out of her, and I knew just the one that would do the trick.



She was facing the back of the couch, so after putting the mask on, I got my face as close to hers as possible. It took a minute, but after smacking the couch cushion a few times she finally woke up. It took her a second to realize what was going on, but I could tell the exact moment it registered. Her eyes grew ten times their normal size and she screamed like a woman being mugged in a dark alley who had forgotten her rape whistle at home. What happened next, though, was something that I never could have anticipated in 1000 years. She socked me in the face! My sister, the biggest wuss on the planet, punched me square in the upper lip. It didn't really do much damage, but I almost wish that it did. Can you imagine?

"Hey, why the fat lip?"
"I scared the bejeezus out of J and she punched me."

It'd make one of the greatest stories. I always say if an experience can leave you with a great story then it was not in vain.


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 3 - A song that makes you happy:

A lot of songs make me happy, but one that always puts a smile on my face is Young Folks by Peter, Bjorn and John. The whistling is just so darn infectious.

"No, not baby anymore. If I need you I'll just use your simple name."

The sister and the douchebag broke up! (Cue the Hallelujah Chorus.)

The thing about this idiot is that we really did like him. He was a bit of a brown noser, but all in all, we liked him. What we didn't like is how he treated her, and treat her well he did not. I won't get into specifics, but let's just say that he was a boozer, a user (...of her, not drugs.) and a loser.



He broke up with her Saturday night (for the third time) and she made a "public announcement" last night. Hopefully it will be for good this time, since she hasn't been distraught like she was in the past. In fact, DB came over tonight to give the sister her spare key back. When she got back into the house mom asked if she was ok and she just kind of shrugged. Then she followed it up with "Well, whatever. His loss. I'm gonna go put on my footie pajamas."



Best breakup response EVER.