"We didn't come into the world to walk around, we came here to take you out."

Let's try this again...

SLEIGH BELLS IS COMING TO DETROIT, AND I GET TO GO SEE THEM!!!

AND CSS IS OPENING FOR THEM, AND I AM JUST WAY TO EXCITED!!! 

 

I don't show my emotions, though, so I just look like this right now.

If you don't know who Sleigh Bells or CSS are (shame on you), here are a few of my favorites.

"Why don't you be the writer, and decide the words I say."

I don't have anything in particular to say, so instead, I'm just going to spam you with a bunch of random crap. Think of it as a glimpse into my messed up mind. If you leave traumatized, all the better. And I'm thinking that since I've been at such a loss for things to write about lately, maybe you could suggest some things...


* First of all, I received a few awesome awards and I've been too lazy to post about them. The first is from Shannon.

Sexay!

I've received this award once before, so I won't force 7 more random facts upon you, but just admire Shannon's skillz! That is quite possibly the sexiest blog award of all time!

ETA: I lied. I'm bored so I'm going to shove some more randomness down your throat. Also, I'm a greedy jerk and forgot to pass on the award. 


1) I got an Easter Basket today filled with 100 calorie snack packs, granola bars, goldfish crackers, and fruit snacks. It legitimately made me happier than a big basket of candy would have.
2) One of my cats pooped on my bedroom floor this morning. -_-
3) I hate wearing socks. Barefoot all the way! (Except for in tennis shoes. But sometimes I'm lazy and don't feel like looking for a pair, so I'll go without. Whatev.)
4) I eventually want to get a half-sleeve tattoo.
5) I have a bit of an ant phobia. 
6) I've never seen any of the Star Wars movies.
7) I'm a big fan of, what I like to refer to as, old lady candies. Spearmints and peppermints, butterscotch discs, those strawberry candies with the jelly stuff inside, orange slices, spice drops...

I'm passing this on to Bri, because she's is HILARIOUS, and can always brighten whatever crappy day I might be having. Plus, she wrote a song about my dad. It doesn't get much better than that.
I'm also passing it on to Rachel from ChunkyKnubbyNavel. I know I passed it on to CKN before, but this goes specifically to Rachel. Not only has she become one of the most incredible friends/blessings in my life, but she's also super hilarious and blogs WAY too infrequently. Maybe everyone could do me a favor and go hound her to write more... Yeah? Kthx.

The other award is from Apfel, which she doled out FOREVER ago, but I'm a crappy friend and have neglected to share it yet.

Ca-ute!

Thankfully, there are no requirements for this award, other than being awesome.

[X] Awesome
[   ] Not Awesome


* This is my friend Kaitlyn. She is amazing, and beautiful, and incredibly strong, and has been a MAJOR blessing in my life. Get to know her. Right now. Do it.

She made this wicked picture that makes me all nostalgic. Love it? I thought so.

* I bought Lor some Dunkaroos, but I ate them.


* The dreams edition of Alexandra's zine is out. GO BUY A COPY! I even submitted something this time, so why wouldn't you want a copy??


* And lastly, these songs have been in my head like crazy lately. Enjoy!






*OH! Also! I owe Harley an email. Feel free to hound me about it so I don't keep putting it off.

"Can you just give me a second, please? I would like to give my testimony."

I don't particularly expect anyone to empathize with this, or understand where I'm coming from. I still don't completely understand where I am coming from. What I do understand, though, is that this is something God has been telling me to do, and I couldn't ignore Him any longer. If you have any questions or complaints or anything at all, please don't hesitate to talk to me about it. I want to be as open about this as I possibly can.

MY TESTIMONY

"You take a heart, I can take out you."

I've been putting off writing this post for almost a week. I came up with every excuse in the book, but the truth is that I just didn't want to face my emotions. I didn't quite understand, because I've discussed this with several different people, but then I realized that I only discussed the details. My true emotions was never the topic at hand.

One of my excuses was that I was unsure if I could talk about this without giving up exact details. I don't want to publicly call anyone out, or make anyone look bad. And I'm still not sure if that's possible, but I'm going to try. Please bear with me if it gets at all confusing.



My heart has been broken. Plain and simple. And it breaks a little more every time I tell myself that. I like to think of myself as pretty resilient, but for some reason this break isn't healing as quickly as the others. It's getting there, but certainly not as quickly as I'd like it to. I guess I should rewind to last summer so you can fully understand what's going on. I was basically in a situation where I was taken completely from my comfort zone and thrust into a new, and somewhat frightening, environment. Unfortunate circumstances essentially forced me into a situation that I felt I was not meant to be a part of. I tried and tried to resist. And part of that was my stubbornness, my desire to stay where I felt most at home, but I couldn't quite shake the feeling that this was not where my path was supposed to lead. I kept my heart very guarded, and that is not me. I dive head first into relationships. As I'm sure a few people reading this can attest to, if we become friends I will treat you like a best friend right out of the gate. I'm pretty all or nothing in the relationship department.

Anyway, as stonewalled as I tried to be, I eventually realized that I was not going to be able to worm my way out of the situation. I (VERY) slowly began to let my guard down, and things began to look up a little. I decided that things weren't as bad as I had been making them out to be, and if I was going to be stuck there, I might as well try to make the best of it. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! The little advances I was making in opening my heart became larger and larger. I put myself out there. I forced myself to go on outings and be social. I am not social. I can't even begin to explain how big of a deal this was. I don't even do things with friends half the time, let alone people I barely know. But I could see the fruits of my labor. I shoved (most of) my anxieties aside, and was finding myself more and more content with the way things were turning out. I was happy.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago to a small conflict between my family and some others. Things were being discussed calmly and rationally though, like adults should, and everything seemed to make its way back to where it initially was. Boy was I wrong. Apparently discussing things calmly and rationally meant "I'm going to be one person to your face, and someone COMPLETELY different when I'm around people 'more important' than you." Long story short, the conflict could not be resolved and we were left with no other option but to remove ourselves from the very situation that I didn't want to be a part of in the first place. The very situation that I struggled and struggled and struggled to become okay with. The very situation that eventually made me happy. I hadn't been truly happy in a long time. And now we were leaving.

At first I tried to convince myself that I didn't care. I didn't have any "real" emotional ties there. I hadn't made any "real" friends. No one had greatly impacted my life. I was just indifferent to it all. Indifference quickly turned to anger, though. The way it all played out disgusted me (it still does), and I couldn't help but think that everything went down exactly opposite of how it should have. These should have been loving, generous people that tried to make everything right. And by right, I don't mean that everyone had to be on the same page, but at least that everyone could have agreed to disagree. Instead, it was their way or the highway, and they didn't really care what happened to us from that point forward. And that is where my anger turned to hurt. To heart break. Even if I didn't make any lifelong friends or deep emotional connections, the truth was that I had become happy with something that I was never going to be a part of again. I opened my heart only to have it closed for me. I had no choice in the matter. I put my trust in someone who broke it.

That is what upsets me most. I am such a trusting person, even when I probably shouldn't be. I'm always giving the benefit of the doubt, the second/third/fourth chances. And the one time my heart was begging me to protect it, I let it down. I exposed it to great joy and, consequently, great pain in a very small period of time. I don't want to be that girl who doesn't trust people. And even more, I don't want to be that girl who doesn't trust herself. That's never been me, and I've been happy with that. Sure, things haven't always gone my way, but I was always content with the person I was and the choices I made. There was never any regret.

Now I am full of nothing but regret.

I'm mostly done grieving, but the broken trust is going to take a lot longer to bounce back from. I'm starting to think that maybe this is all a lesson in putting my trust in God alone. The world will always let me down, but He stands firm. He is always good.




And if you haven't yet made your way over to Sarah's blog to read my guest post, you should probably do that now. Treat yourself to a laugh at my expense, especially after reading this depressing piece of my mind.

"Just as easy as ABC, that's how you make it right."

I have lost most of my desire to write, and I'm not exactly sure why. Not that I'm a "writer" anyway, so I'm not too concerned about it. I did see this meme on Angie's blog, though, and I thought it'd be fun to do. It requires little to no thought, and maybe it'll get me back in the groove. Or not. Maybe it'll just take up some time while I'm hiding out from the man installing our windows.

So, without further ado, the ABC meme!

A - Age: 25. Meh.

B - Bed size: Full. I actually inherited this bed after my grandma passed away. I had been sleeping on a crappy futon for years and it was really messing with my already messed up hips. Thankfully, no one was opposed to me taking this bed.

C - Chore you hate: Outside - mowing the lawn. Inside - laundry. I know this is awful, but I'm one of those people who just doesn't do something if I don't find any enjoyment in it. I seriously wait until I'm completely out of clean underwear before I do laundry. And even then, I just pick through for necessities and do a load or two. I have a mountain of laundry in my room that never goes away.

D - Dogs: I love dogs. I love all animals, actually, but you just can't go wrong with a dog. (Cats will always be my number one love, though. Don't think I've switched teams.) After our dog Barney died, we weren't allowed to get another one. Mom says she can't deal with the hurt of losing another one. I think that's lame, but whatever. It's not my house.

RIP Barn-dog. (Please disregard those disgusting roots. I was young and didn't know any better.)

E - Essential start to your day: Waking up.

F - Favorite Color: Yellow. :)

G - Gold or Silver: Silver! I hate gold.

H - Height: 5'4". My mom is 5'10" and my dad is 6'1". Please tell me how this is fair.

I - Instruments you play: I used to rock the crap out of my clarinet, and I can play a few chords on the guitar and piano.

J - Job title: Cashier/Cook. Ugh. And I deal with stupid/rude customers. I love my job, if you couldn't tell.

K - Kids: NONE! I always used to want them, and then I watched my cousin's kids while she was away on a missions trip. I essentially became the new mother, and that was enough to turn me off of the idea. I couldn't handle the monotony of it all. Sometimes I still think I want them, and I wouldn't be outraged if I did. I guess I'm leaving it up to God and my husband.

L - Live: Michigan. Show me your hand and I'll show you where I live.

M - My mom's name: Monica, but she goes by Mickie.

N - Nickname: Stace, and my dad and uncle call me Stacky. Sometimes my mom calls me Stacey B, but that's not really a nickname I suppose. I used to really hate it when people called me Stace. Now it only bugs me if I dislike the person, or if I feel it's too early in the friendship to be doling out nicknames. But sometimes I think it's cute when someone feels close enough to give me a nickname. I don't know, I'm fickle. Chances are, anyone reading this I wouldn't mind calling me Stace.

O - Overnight hospital stay: Once when I was seven. I don't remember what was wrong, something with my stomach, but it was ridiculous. There weren't any rooms open so they had to shove me in the supply room where they kept all of the extra gurneys and random equipment. They also put too much medication in my IV for my little body to handle, so I spent half of the night crying because the stuff was basically burning my insides. This hospital is notorious for being the crappiest place around. No one likes to go there, even for anything minor.

P - Pet Peeve: Oh goodness, where do I begin? Loud chewing noises, rude people, when people sing along to songs they don't know, when people get unnecessarily mad over something, when people can't just forget things and move on (I get over things SUPER easily, probably too easily sometimes)... I could go on forever.

Q - Quote from a movie from a book: "You're not unlovable, child. There's love all around you." -The Secret Life of Bees

R- Right/Lefty: Righty. Both of my parents are rightys and both of my sisters and leftys. They're the only ones in the whole family. It's weird.

S - Siblings: Two younger sisters. Jessie - 21 Melissa - 17

Contrary to what the picture states, this was in 1994. I was such an attractive little boy.

T - Time you wake up: Late. I don't ever sleep until super late at night (technically morning), so I always wake up late in the day. It's always random, though.

U - Underwear: Straight up, plain ol' cotton underwear. I'm all about comfort, and who do I have to impress, anyway?

V - Veggies you dislike: Cooked carrots (they taste like blood), beets, and radishes. Oh, and avocados.

W - What makes you run late: Gosh, practically anything. I hate it, too. I used to ALWAYS be 10-15 minutes early for things. Then I went to college and discovered sleeping in until the last possible second. It was a horrible habit to learn and now I can't shake it. I'm never super late, but always by a few minutes. Ugh, I'm pretty disgusted by it, but it seems like no matter what I do, I can't make it anywhere on time.

X - Xrays you've had: On my teeth when I had braces and before I got my wisdom teeth removed, and a few after a car accident I got into. (Yes, it was my fault. No, I don't really want to talk about it right now. Maybe some other time.)

Y - Yummy food you make: Spaghetti, extra special mashed potatoes. this other thing that I don't have a name for, and anything with eggs. I'm obsessed with eggs.

Z - Zoo animal: Big cats, but tigers especially. And monkeys. And penguins. And birds. And horses. And reptiles. And polar bears, Oh my gosh, I love the zoo!

I could stay in that tunnel and look at his cute little butt all day!

"I may be dumb, but I'm not a dweeb. I'm just a sucker with no self esteem."

Two guest posts in my entire life and they occur within weeks of each other?! I think I'm going to just quit this blog and start writing for everyone else. I've pretty much quit this blog anyway. Man alive, I think I've lost my will to (try to) be witty. I've become such a sap lately, I'm afraid to ever write anything because it'll probably end up being a big ball of mush, soaked in tears.

Or maybe I'm just lazy.

Anyway, Alexandra asked me if I'd be willing to write a guest post for her, and if you've never read her blog, DO IT. I swear, I'm not just saying that because she's letting me write for her. She's become one of my best internet friends, and is just one of the most amazing people I've ever known in general.

Look how cute we are!

What are you doing still reading this?! I actually wrote a kind of serious post for her. You don't want to miss this opportunity. Go. Check it out. One day you'll be able to tell people "I knew Stacey when she wasn't masking her true feelings with humor!" and people will be all "That Stacey doesn't exist!" but we'll know the truth.

"I said a Rasta lion... I ain't lyin'."

As I was sitting on my bed social networking doing something super important, I heard my dad yell for me to come upstairs. I thought "Oh great, what am I in trouble for now??" Yeah, I'm 25 years old and I still get scared that my parents are going to yell at me for things. Deal with it.

So I get to the bottom of the stairs and my dad is already waiting for me at the top, super excited about his latest purchase. He says to me "I got this shirt for your mom, but she hates it. I'm going to keep it, though. I think it's really awesome! Open it up and see how cool it is!!" He then whipped the shirt down the stairs and smacked me right in the face with it. Nice, dad. Nice. -_-

Let me stop here for a second, and say that my dad is (usually) very well dressed. He is a salesman, so he has no shortage of expensive pants, nice button-up shirts, fancy ties, and shiny shoes. What I was preparing to unfold, though, was something I never could have prepared for in a million years.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

. 

WAIT FOR IT

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

THE HORROR!

What was he thinking?! I'm serious. Someone please tell me. Actually, what was the "designer" of this shirt smoking??

Nevermind... I think I can answer that.

I quickly told Bri about the awful events that unfolded, and what she proceeded to do made my night  week  year  life. I laughed so hard that I cried and did that gross, gaggy, bronchitis-sounding cough. If I choked to death, it would have been worth it.

Prepare to (almost) die.

Thank you, Bri. ♥


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral:

I've always said that I want Live and Let Die played at my funeral, complete with pyrotechnics.




Gives me goosebumps every time.

"I am a visitor here, I am not permanent."

Sarah from Was That Awkward

This is her.

was kind enough to let me write a guest post (or maybe I just bombarded her with an email and she felt obligated to let me), and it is officially up. If you don't know Sarah, get to know her. You won't regret it. Until that point, though, here are some things you should know:

• Favorite food: Kraft mac and cheese
• Favorite domestic animal: dog
• Favorite wild animal: tiger
• Favorite season: fall (me too!)
• Underwear preference: boy shorts

See? You want to be her best friend already, don't you?!

Ok, now go read the post and laugh about how awkward I was in high school, and have a revelation that I'm still that awkward and will always be that awkward. Go! Read it! And while you're there, read the rest of her blog. Make sure you put on a pair of Depends before hand, though. You'll need them.

"I'm winning, and I don't intend on losing again."

Guys! I'm a winner!

The oh-so lovely Lauren from The Blog You're About to Read (Go read it. Right now. You won't be disappointed.) has found it in her big heart to share with me the Versatile Blogger Award, and I'm beyond honored. Every time I hear the word versatile, I'm immediately reminded of Natalie Portman, and who wouldn't want to be associated with such a gifted human being??

Gaahhh... She's SO versatile!

Anyway, in receiving this award

This one.

I am required to 1) Link back to the person who gave it to me.
                         2) Share seven facts about myself.
                         3) Pass it on to several other deserving bloggers.

The facts, in no particular order:

• I'm Polish. My great grandparents migrated to America from Poland. (Wow, this is really hard to just think of random things about yourself that you deem worth sharing.)
• I'm obsessed with shoes. Not fancy, girly shoes, but (white) tennis shoes, Converse and Rocket Dogs.
• I'm also obsessed with female singer/songwriters. 
• I love pulling pranks on my family members.
• I could eat chicken and/or eggs every single day and never get sick of them. 
• I love to drive. I've even considered becoming a trucker. 
• I don't particularly want children. If God or my husband decide otherwise, so be it, but it's definitely not a goal of mine.

More deserving people/blogs:

Apfelicious Amplifications
All is Fair in Love and War
the Tsaritsa sez
ChunkyKnubbyNavel
Seeking to Understand (This is my attempt at getting her to blog more. For the love of everything, I hope it works.)


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding:

I'm not the stereotypical girl who's dreamt of her perfect wedding day since the age of 5, and who has every single detail all planned out. But I am a girl. And I have thought about certain things I'd like to have at my wedding, including what music I'd like to have played. I'm also very fickle, though, so just because I want it now doesn't necessarily mean that I'll want it when that day comes.

I heard a song by Sade a while ago, and I immediately thought "This would be the perfect song to have my first dance to as a married couple!" And then I found out that Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra had the same idea. -_-
Regardless, it's a beautiful song. I think I'd like my first dance as a married woman to have some sort of significance to it, though, not just something that I hear and think "Oooh, I liiiike this!" So, I guess I'll just say that this would make a great wedding song for someone else... (Sorry, I tend to talk in figure 8s. (Like talking in circles, but more random.))

"I'll be true Toothbrush, just to you Toothbrush, when we both use the same toothpaste."

I was at a friend's yesterday and while there, a package arrived for her from Colgate. She proceeded to tell me how they keep sending her these classroom kits containing approximately 100 toothbrushes, coupons, tooth brushing booklets, and teaching materials. She is not a teacher, and she never signed up for anything, so she has no idea why they keep sending them. She's even moved 4 or 5 times in the past few years, and Colgate always seems to find her. (Stalkers!) I of course don't know why she gets them either, but I also don't care because I made out with two new toothbrushes!

Because this was a classroom kit, the toothbrushes were child sized, but I'm convinced now that that was the best part. Contrary to what this illustration shows, I have a fairly small head, which means I have a fairly small mouth. A tiny toothbrush just fits in my mouth better and really gets into all of the nooks and crannies (aka cavities) well. My teeth have never felt so clean!

Side note: Have you ever heard of those dentists who purposely mess up your teeth that way you can go back to them and they can "fix" whatever is wrong, making themselves infinitely more money? Yeah, I'm pretty sure my old dentist did that. Ever single visit, the nurse would come into the room with an x-ray showing 5-7 brand new "pinhole sized cavities" that I of course couldn't see, but I didn't argue because I'm not a dentist. I now have a mouth FULL of fillings and two broken teeth, because they don't know how to properly fill a tooth. I'm too poor to go have them fixed/pulled, though, so now I just walk around looking like a giant hillbilly.

Thanks a heap, Caro Family Dentistry!

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here for the entire list.

Day 22 – A song that you listen to when you’re sad:

I'm not one of those people who likes to listen to horribly depressing music when I'm sad so I can curl up in fetal position and cry my eyes out for hours. I don't like to dwell on things when I'm upset. I just like to pretend that nothing happened and go about my business. I know that's not necessarily the most healthy thing to do, but it works for me for now. If I'm sad about something, you're much more likely to find me listening to something happy, or funny, like this. 

Lately, though, I have re-fallen in love with a song by Shawn McDonald and it ALWAYS makes me feel better about whatever situation I'm in. It helps me to remember to fully rely on God and to let Him handle things. I don't always have to fix things on my own.

Even if you're not a believer, I would highly recommend giving it a listen. Just the song itself is crazy good.

"Now I'm free, free falling."

A few people have asked me lately how to pronounce "beanditch" and what the meaning is behind it, so I thought I'd take the opportunity and blog about it, killing two birds with one stone.

Firstly, it's pronounced like bean-ditch. Not be-and-itch, as a few people thought. (I'm looking at you, Sara and Whitney.)

Secondly, I'm being REALLY lazy right now, and don't feel like typing this story up, but I love you guys so I guess I will.

Picture it. Michigan. 2003... Some friends and I were on our way home from the mall, and decided to take the back roads for a while. 1) We just really liked doing this, and 2) we once caught a glimpse of really hot guy doing push-ups in his front yard, so we kept driving by trying to see him again. As we were driving, I asked what was growing in the field to the right of us, and when they answered "soy beans," I thought "Soy beans are totally edible! I need out! I need to try one!" Nevermind pesticides. I NEEDED to try a soy bean straight from the source! I was so excited that I took off on a dead run for the field. Apparently, some very tall weeds had recently been mowed down in front of the field, so what looked like flat land was actually weeds covering up a giant ditch. The second I reached the stupid thing, I dropped straight down, and of course my friends erupted in laughter.

Now, I'm all for making a fool of myself to garner a few laughs (just ask my family about my Beyonce - Single Ladies impressions) but this was ridiculous. I could have died broken a leg!  As I collected what was left of my pride and climbed my way out of the ditch, I realized that I had two huge grass stains on my favorite pair of pants. Talk about adding insult to injury.

My friends quickly decided that this little incident needed to live on in infamy, and decided to nickname me beanditch. I now use the name for everything on the internet, because I know it's always available. I got so sick of the Stacey8549303746 usernames. Beanditch is just so much easier.


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you’re happy:

I listen to a lot of songs when I'm happy. A lot of songs make me happy. I was listening to my mp3 player on random last night and came across a song that I had forgotten how happy it makes me. It was one of, if not the, big song off of the album, and I became kind of sick of it, so I would always skip over it when it came on. I'm kind of glad that happened, though, because I was able to have that small euphoric moment last night.





I thought I'd throw this one in for the heck of it. Go ahead and judge me. I don't care. I loved this song as an adolescent (nostalgia = happiness), I love it now, and I truly foresee myself always loving it. You should too.

"Please don't make me cry."

I have been nothing but a big ball of emotions lately. I'm sure some of it can be attributed to PMS, but it's more than the average hormonal imbalance. A few people reading this can probably testify to that. I've professed my love for more people in the past few days than I probably have in the past few months, I cried because I was heart broken for someone else, I cried because I saw something cheesy on TV, (I should interject and say that it doesn't take much to make me cry in general, but it has been ridiculous lately.) I've gotten uber warm fuzzies over cute animal pictures on Tumblr like this, this and this... Basically, I've been out of control.

Oh, I also literally spent HOURS the other night trying to make a gif of Lor eating a Koala Yummy. Nothing was working and it was late in the night, so I kind of gave up and went to bed. The next day I took what I made on Windows Movie Maker and uploaded it to YouTube, that way she could at least see how it would look if the gif worked. Then, a moment of genius. I took that video and uploaded it to GifSoup, and VOILA! A gif! I was so excited that I gasped, my heart was racing. and I had a gigantic cheesy grin consuming my entire face. (See, it's not all sad emotions!) My hours of hard work had finally payed off!

Sheer awesomeness.

Then my mom decides to pull some crap tonight and tell me this story:

She and my dad (and baby me) had a cat, Nicky, when they lived in Oklahoma. The cat ended up dying right before they moved back to Michigan. The day they moved our dog Butch went missing, but my dad eventually found him in the back yard where they had buried the cat, crying.

 

I jokingly over-exaggerated my cries and we all laughed, but I actually had real tears in my eyes. That was one of the sweetest stories ever. He was such a good dog.

So, is this just me, or has anyone else been overly emotional lately?


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry:
 
Finally, a question a have a definite answer for!

I adore the band Trapt. Great music, great lyrics, and Chris Brown (what an unfortunate name) has such a sexy voice! Their song, Hollowman, is the PERFECT song to belt out when you really feel like injuring someone. I couldn't begin to count how many times I have driven around, song blaring, aggressively singing my little heart out. So therapeutic! ☺

"I don't ever want to see, I don't ever want to be like you, Hollowman."

"I'm just beginning. The pen's in my hand, ending unplanned."

I was over at the Tsaritsa sez the other day and came across this really cool handwriting meme. I thought maybe I'd end up doing it myself and, low and behold, Apfel tagged me in her own post! I don't know why I'm so excited about this, but what can I say? I'm a big nerd. Whatever.

Anyway, these were the questions I had to answer.

1. What's your name/your Blogger name?
2. What's your blog's name/URL?
3. Write "the quick fox jumps over the lazy dog"
4. Favorite quote?
5. Your favorite song?
6. Your favorite band/singers?
7. Anything else you want to say?
8. Tag 3-5 other people.

As if my handwriting isn't sucky enough, the picture had to be blurry too. Sorry.

Tagged: Kaylee
              Victoria (For the love of everything holy, DO NOT call her Vicki!)
              Lauren
              Becky

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 19 – A song from your favorite album:

Picking a favorite album is just as hard for me as picking a favorite song. There are SO many good ones. If I HAVE to pick, though, I'd probably say Fiona Apple's Tidal. That CD kind of began my obsession with "good" music. My favorite song from the album, and possibly just my favorite Fiona song in general, is Never is a Promise. It's only real contender for all time favorite Fiona song would be Love Ridden. We'll just call it a tie.☺

"We'll cut out bodies free from the tethers of this scene, start a brand new colony."

I've really been trying to come up with something interesting to blog about over the past few days. Any time something strikes me (usually something that annoys me) I think "Oh man, I have to remember to blog about this!" And then I don't. I don't know, it just hasn't felt right. Then I got a text tonight from someone (we'll call her Friend #1) and it annoyed the crap out of me. I was all set to blog about what set me off, along with what I consider proper text etiquette. Friend #1 was coming over to watch a movie and I literally kept thinking to myself how badly I wanted the night to be over so I could blog about her annoying texting ways. Shortly after she arrived, I received a text from someone else (Friend #2). I felt kind of like a jerk for texting Friend #2 while Friend #1 was being entertained annoyed by the little sister, but frankly, Friend #2 was more important to me at the moment.

Friend #2 and I have connected lately over some similar life experiences and I really treasure the talks we have. It's nice to know that you're not alone in your struggles.

God has blessed me with this unexpected friendship. We are separated by so much, but are connected by much more; connected by spiritual things that mean more than the physical separation. After the chat tonight, I kind of came to a realization. The more I thought about this blessing, I realized how much I truly take for granted on a daily basis. I focus on so many trivial things, things that most likely wouldn't get to me as badly if I didn't put so much energy into stewing over them. These things are meaningless in the long run, and if I spent more time appreciating the blessings I've been given (no matter how big or small) I'd be a much happier person. Now that's not to say that I wouldn't face trials, that I wouldn't have my down times, but I'm almost creating these bad days for myself. It's like I have some sick desire to be grumpy all the time and it's becoming quite exhausting. I don't want to be that person. I want to be the carefree, less bitter person I used to be. I want to be happy because a friend is excited to talk to me, not get pissy because they don't follow some unwritten text rule that I've written.

I just want to be better.

I've kind of begun the journey already, and some recent events have led me to believe that I'm on the right path. I feel like I'm being tested, and I can't help but think that Satan wouldn't feel the need to butt his nose in if I wasn't resisting him more than in the past.

SO. If you see me being a major downer or grump or whatever, feel free to tell me what's up. Criticism, of any kind, is always welcome. It's too easy to get caught up in myself. Outsiders' perspectives are necessary.


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio:

I'm a bit of a music snob. I get mad when a band I hold near and dear ends up getting a lot of radio play. I feel like people should have to do the work to fully appreciate music. Talk to friends who have similar musical tastes, research on Pandora or Grooveshark or something of the like, dig through your parents' old albums... Something, anything, other than having the Top 40 channels shove songs down your throat. I tend to think that a lot of people only like certain bands/songs because they're essentially being told to like them.

"Listen to this song we play 500 times a day! It's great!"
"Oh, you know what? It really isn't that bad!"

I'm not saying that musicians don't deserve recognition and lots of money for the hard work they put in, but I think people would be less bored with music in general if they had a greater personal investment in it.

I honestly do not have an answer for this question so I'll just leave you with a song that I'm currently listening to. But go. Find some new music. Music you can get excited over. You won't regret it.

"This town is made of aluminum, this town is made of glass."

 

You know when you hear a song and immediately decide that nothing else will ever top it? No? Just me? Anyway, I think I just died a little. 

I was checking out some tunes on Play Me Like You Mean It and my life was officially changed for the better (Too dramatic? Too bad.) when I came across this gem. I don't know how to describe the feeling that came over me, other than it made me feel everything and nothing all at the same time. I might even consider it existential if I didn't already know the meaning of life. I can connect with a song over the lyrics, but it's generally the feeling a song gives me that makes me go crazy for it. This one made me so crazy that I eventually became sane.

What are some songs that make you feel this way?

"Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end."

I still haven't been to bed. I should probably get on that...

Mom: He kind of looks like Meatloaf.

Me: He kind of looks like there's another version of himself, the real version, and he's just a caricature of himself.

Mom: 

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio:
So, is this supposed to be a song that I hate or a song that I love? Eh, either way I don't often listen to the radio. Probably the time I listen to it the most is on the way to and from church. Naturally, we have the radio on one of two decent Christian stations that come in in our podunk town. This is one song that comes on fairly frequently, one that I never tire of. We sang it during our church's Christmas Eve service and it was one of the most emotional moments I've ever been a part of. (Third in line only to literally watching two family members die of cancer.) There wasn't a dry eye in the place, people literally reaching out to God. Thirty people dedicated their lives to Christ that night. The atmosphere was indescribable, but I'll never forget how I felt. How close to God I felt.

"Hey-oh, listen what I say-oh."

Apparently my body decided that it only needed around 3 and half hours of sleep last night, so I figured I'd get some blogging in.

I know everyone is DYING to know how I've been since the emo onslaught, so I'm happy to report that things are back to normal. Maybe even better than normal. In fact, I woke up the next morning like nothing had even happened. I'm pretty resilient like that.

Now, I know I said that I was back to normal, but I think I can safely say that I haven't been "normal" for a single day in my life. I was pretty much doomed from the start.

Don't tell my mom, but I'm kind of glad this happened.

I have no idea why, but for the past 24 hours or so, any time something remotely exciting happens I immediately say Hey-Oh! in my head. Thank goodness it's in my head. I don't get it, though. I've never said Hey-Oh! in my life and I sure as heck don't ever intend on it. 

Ooh, a new text message! (Hey-Oh!)

Ooh, a Twitter direct message! (Hey-Oh!)

Oh my gosh, I love this song! (Hey-Oh!)
Homemade mac and cheese for dinner! (Hey-Oh!)

Guys, I don't want to be that douchey guy who says Hey-Oh! after everything. I'm afraid that the more often I think it the more likely I am to end up actually saying it. I know, I know, just quit thinking it. It's super involuntary, though. Prayers would be much appreciated. I don't want something like this to end up happening today.

Those circles are supposed to be heads.

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate:

Our local Top 40 station is the only station that comes in on our work radio that everyone can agree on. Unfortunately, they have this knack for playing the same handful of songs over and over and over and over... I'm sure most Top 40 stations are like that, but it just seems like ours is especially bad. One can only take so much Rihanna or Ke$ha in one day. A lot of good songs have been ruined for me because of this.

I don't think that I ever particularly loved this song, but good lord do I despise it now.

"So cut my wrists and black my eyes, so I can fall asleep tonight, or die."

*Disclaimer: My thoughts are a mess, therefor this post is a mess. More of a mess than usual. I'm sorry.

Sometimes I just feel like being super emo.

I know I started out with an awful picture of myself, but man alive... This is just disgusting.

Tonight is one of those times, so much so that I didn't even want to write this post. I've been on this kick of forcing myself to do things I don't want to, though, so here you have it. Because I'm not really in the mood to be writing I don't have anything particularly of interest to mention. My mind is going in about 500 different directions, though, so I thought I'd just make a list of anything that comes to mind.

• I'm listening to The Postal Service and can't believe that they never made more than one CD. This is some of the greatest music known to man. 
• I was stupidly eating Ritz crackers in my bed and I dropped the wrapper, resulting in a bed full of cracker crumbs. I'm too lazy to properly clean them up, though, so I'll just end up sleeping in a bed full of crumbs tonight. (That was a blatant exaggeration. It was just a smile pile, and I pretty much cleaned them all up.)
• I'm currently quenching my thirst with a tall glass of Vernor's, and all of you non-Michigan peeps seriously don't know what you're missing.
• I just decided that I hate that saying. "You don't know what you're missing." DUH!
• I read a blog post earlier that got me feeling kind of sad/empathetic/I don't really know what. I was all gung-ho about figuring out why it made me feel that way, but then I (purposely?) started focusing on other things and lost my zeal. 
• I've been ultra sensitive lately. If I see something sad, I get all weepy and choked up. If I see something mushy, I do that "pop your bottom lip out because it's so cute" thing, and possibly even become weepy on top of it. If I see something happy/cute, I'll smile like I've just taken my first glimpse of my first-born child. I'd like to figure out what the deal is so I can quit being an emotional wreck. (No, it's not PMS.)
• If I had some sort of psychiatry degree, I'd diagnose myself with having Avoidant Personality Disorder and Dependent Personality Disorder. 
• Any time I get feeling semi-depressed I always think about this. The momentary depression feeds into it, when it's probably not really the case. I do have social anxieties, but not necessarily to the point of AvPD. DPD is another story. I've mentioned something about it to my mom before, and she said something along the lines of "Uh, you think?!"Gee, thanks ma.
• My aunt is a mess of neuroses and I see some of myself in her. I'm scared to become her. 
• I need to take more responsibility for my actions, and lack thereof, for that matter.
• Do you like how I coyly started out by talking about meaningless things, like this was going to be some stupid post, all the while knowing exactly where I was going to end up with it?
• In reference to the title of this post, I've never self-harmed. I don't plan on it. I'm not suicidal in the least bit. It was just the most emo song I could think of.
• It terrifies me that people are going to read this, but that's probably a good thing. I'm sick of lying to myself, and having something staring you right in the face is probably a pretty good way to quit avoiding it. 
• I'm kind of emotionally exhausted, so I'm going to stop now. Sorry for being such a downer. (I almost said I was sorry for being such a heavy. Apparently I'm a hippie now.)

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 15 - A song that describes you:

I almost skipped today's challenge in lieu of doing whatever I wanted. I was listening to this super amazing song by Passion Pit that all to perfectly expresses how I'm feeling right now. Actually, I lied. This is how I feel about myself on a pretty regular basis. Tonight it just seems to be to the extreme. Anyway. The song. I saw the challenge for today and realized it ended up fitting perfectly with the song. I love when little things like that work out in my favor. ☺






*EDIT*
I was all set to be done with this post, and then some. I went on YouTube and typed in "good music" because I wasn't really sure what I was in the mood for. Then this song came up. I adore this song and it seriously makes me cry every time I listen to it. When he sings "I tried so hard!" with such passion and brokenness... Ugh, it absolutely kills me. I'm thinking this was some sort of "break Stacey down (in a good way)" divine intervention, so I had so share it on here. It really is a beautiful song that deserves a listen or two.

"They could never find our secret hiding spot where we play all day."

I was all set to write this big complaint post about a coworker who always whines about having no money, yet she smokes pot 24/7, uses her EBT card to buy energy drinks, and has about 87 pets. I ended up finding a much better topic, but I thought I'd still make you this awesome collage to further paint the picture of what a piece of crap this girl really is.

This is obviously not the coworker, just in case anyone thinks that I work with Paris Hilton.

Moving on. The sister and I were watching some TV show a little while ago that featured a house with a secret passageway.

Jessie: I always wanted a house with a secret passageway.
Me: Who didn't?
Jessie: Uh... I still want a house with a secret passageway.
Me: Who doesn't?

And honestly, who doesn't? I posed the question on Tumblr and received a link to the coolest website in the history of websites.  My gosh, if I had the money I would equip my hypothetical house with so many of those bad boys. I think part of the appeal of secret passageways is that they make us feel like a kid again. (That, and if anyone ever broke into our home, we'd have the ultimate hiding/not dying spot.) Just thinking about it makes me all giddy. Imagine all of the fun you could have and the massive pranks you could play! I would make it my mission to scare the crap out of someone at least once daily.

So what are some other things that get you feeling nostalgic? Forts, wanting to spend an unsupervised night in a department store, enduring the fierce burn of a Big Red wrapper stuck to your forehead...


30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE
Click here to see the entire list.

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love:

I asked my mom about this one because I honestly don't think anyone would not expect me to like a certain band or genre of music. I swear, even if it's something I'd normally hate, there's more than likely at least one song I can find that I like. She, for some reason, can not believe that I like Disturbed. I like rock, there's no excessive growling or screaming (which I generally detest (unless it's used tastefully, aka sparingly)), the lead singer doesn't suck... I don't know. Anyway, I've loved Disturbed since high school and will most likely continue to love Disturbed as long as they keep coming out with awesome music. Here is the song that jump-started my adoration:

"You don't really know why, but you want to justify ripping someone's head off."

The little sister has been giving me crap for the way I scowl while I'm on the computer (I need to turn the screen brightness down), so picture me looking like this while I wrote this post...

I showed her this picture and she said that I pretty much look exactly like this. Awesome.

A lot of things have gotten under my skin today, for no apparent reason, so I thought I'd write them all down and possibly find some common denominator.

I awoke to a text from a friend/coworker asking if I would work her shift today and she would work mine on Sunday. I abhor working Sundays so I was seriously considering it. Then I realized that I only had 30 minutes to get ready, and I would be stuck there until 10 tonight. The latest I ever work is 8, so the more I thought about it, the less appealing it sounded. I neglected to text her back and went about my day. About 45 minutes later, she texted me again asking if I would please work for her because she had been puking all day. (We're a very small business, so if one person is sick they have to find a replacement to work for them. If it's a dire situation, though, the boss will take over the shift.) By this time I had gotten a text from another friend asking if I wanted to do something tonight. The perfect excuse. Maybe I was being a jerk, but this friend/coworker is pretty good at wanting you to help her out with her shifts, but not being there when you need something. Actually, she's pretty much like that in general, and I have not been in the mood to put up with any BS lately. I know that come Sunday I'll be kicking myself for not working tonight, but I'm just so sick of being taken advantage of. The real kicker is that she's been talking on Facebook all night about the ski trip that she's attending tomorrow. Is it horrible of me to hope that she spends the entire weekend on the toilet instead of on the slopes?? (That is, if she is indeed sick. I get the feeling she just wanted the night off so she could prepare for the weekend.)

The next few hours were spent interneting and watching TV with the sisters. It became a bit monotonous over time (One can only watch so much Miami Animal Police in such a small period of time), but nothing real awful. Overall, it was bearable.

A little while later I received a text from my mom's best friend. She proceeded to text me for 10 minutes asking where my mom was, and if we minded if she came over. Not a big deal. She brought her son along, which also wasn't a big deal. UNTIL... I got up to go to the bathroom and he told me that he was stealing my seat until I came back. When I returned he not only made no effort to get up, but was also using my laptop. I had tabs with my Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr open, all things that I consider pretty private when it comes to people I actually know. (Well, obviously not Facebook, but I hate the prospect of someone posting something random on my wall. I'm kind of particular about the things I share online. I make an attempt to be fairly inoffensive, so I don't want anything put on blast without my approval. It's happened before, and I felt strangely violated.) (Man, that was a long parenthetical aside.) I noticed that he and the little sister were just sharing YouTube videos so I figured all was ok. Then I saw this...

This is clearly not offensive, but it meant that he was looking at the pages I had pulled up. I feel like someone read my nonexistent diary or something. 

Random interjection: This happened in the midst of all this crap...

The actor was pretending her food stamp card wasn't working and people were stepping in and paying for her groceries. So awesome, and so tear-inducing.

Around this time, the aforementioned friend I had made plans with came over to chill and watch a movie. This friend tends to be a bit insanely clingy, so I'm generally on edge around her. She does this thing when we watch movies that irritates me beyond words. Every time something funny happens, she insists on looking right at me and laughing. Ok, we're watching the same movie. I saw it. I'd say it's as bad as when people say "DID YOU SEE THAT?!" but it's actually worse because I have this weird phobia of people staring at me. Well, maybe not a phobia, but it makes me ultra uncomfortable. We were sitting directly beside each other tonight, though, so I was super stoked about not having to pretend I couldn't see her every time she looked at me. (That's what I do. Ignore it and it will go away, right?) What ended up unfolding, though, was entirely too horrific. Instead of enduring awkward gazes every time something funny happened, she did that weird "lightly smack you with the back of my hand" thing. The movie we were watching was hilarious, so I ended up just getting smacked repeatedly for an hour and a half.

I let my dad use my laptop while we watched the movie, and assumed he'd give it back once it was over. (There I go, assuming again. Maybe that's the common denominator in this all!) Instead, he stayed on for 2 more hours while I sat on the couch and silently stewed. At one point I tried asking for it back and he shot out some whiny excuse about how he was almost done, and he just NEEDED to look at a few more things... Whatever. I don't care. I sat on my butt for 7 hours waiting for the stupid thing, and I think I should be able to use it whenever I darn well please.

In the mean time, I did some Twittering and received some of the sweetest tweets ever. After a moment of heart melting and cheesy grins, I got kind of depressed. People online, people I barely know, treat me better than the majority of people that are actually in my life. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and wouldn't trade them for anything, but living at home means I'm subjected to many more annoying family moments than the average twenty-something. I'd rely on my friends to save my sanity, but I've eliminated most of them from my life since they royally sucked. The few true friends I do have I rarely see. Moments like these make me realize how much I truly need to save up my cash and get the eff out of this town. Sorry, this just took a major turn toward depression city. I'll stop babbling now.

So what do you think? Am I being ultra sensitive to everything, or do people just generally suck?

Also, if you stuck it out all the way through this, you deserve a cookie and a massive bear hug.